The Shmuper Shmowl (or Big Game as it’s known by people who don’t pay to use the actual name [the real name is like Voldemort or Shai’tan {double points if you get that reference} except it’s not the most evil being in the entire world {his responsibilities as commissioner take too much of his time |Zing!|}, it’s protected by a team of very powerful copyright trademark enforcers] in a way that’s totally transparent and weirdly adheres to the letter of the law but also bypasses it because everyone knows what you’re talking about, just like saying “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named”) is one of the best drinking nights of the year.
If your team is in The Big Game, you’re probably alternating between drinking out of happiness and drinking out of sadness. If you don’t have a team in the game, you’re probably stuck between a bunch of hardo uberfans who spend the whole game saying “great play” while talking about how amazing Joe Montana was and a bunch of too-cool tryhards who want everyone to know how little they know about the game. Don’t worry though, we have your back with this, the ultimate The Big Game drinking game. So make this the Fundayest of Sundays and play The Big Game drinking game.
Without further ado or filler content:
Take a drink every time:
- One of the commentators:
- Says the word “storied”
- Says “one for the ages”
- Says “postseason is when real football starts” or something to that effect
- Mentions a Manning
- Mentions Brady
- Mentions the temperature at the stadium
- A player
- Points at the sky
- Commits a penalty
- Scores a touchdown
- Kicks a field goal
- Does a touchdown dance
- Fumbles the ball
- Anyone in the room:
- Says they’re only there for the commercials
- Gets mad that they can’t hear the play by play
- Misses a big play getting food or going to the bathroom
- Talks about the Puppy Bowl
- Mentions their fantasy football team
- Asks an obviously made up question about rules to try to prove they’re too intellectual to watch football
- Talks about a trade one of the teams should have made
- Says “_____ (another player) would have made that play”
Please, please please please drink responsibly. Don’t drink too much and definitely don’t drive if you’ve been drinking. Call Uber or Lyft instead, it’s way cheaper and way better for everyone involved.